It's a universal truth that all good things will come around again, given enough time. The problem occurs when things are brought back but not improved upon, nor even just kept as good as they were the first time. Case in point? Unsolved Mysteries.
I LOVED this show as a kid. LOVED it. Ok, so the ghost segments scared me a little, but I still tuned in every Wednesday night, if for no other reason than to get the crap scared out of me, and from the first moment the show hooked me in. "What you are about to see is not a news broadcast." Sold. And the freaky theme music?? Fabulous.
I was so into this show that I watched the reruns when the show moved to Lifetime about the time that I went to college. It was the best part of a sick day, catching a few episodes in the middle of the afternoon. Sure, the bank robber hadn't been caught. And the UFOs still hadn't been explained. But you paid attention because Robert Stack told you to. And who argues with Elliot Ness, especially when he's telling you the story of Elliot Ness's biggest unsolved crime! I loved this show so much that I still have the telecenter number emblazoned in my head. 1-800-876-5353. I've always kind of wanted to call it, just to see how they would answer the phone. "Unsolved Mysteries. Which mystery can you solve today?"
So, imagine my pleasure when I was scrolling through the TV guide thingy the other day and discovered that Unsolved Mysteries was back on TV! New episodes??? Old ones even??? No. It's some craptastic combination of the two and definitely NOT an improvement.
First, the host. I recognize the fact that Robert Stack is dead, but really, if any show was going to pull off that hosting trick, this one would be it. Instead the new version settles for Dennis Farina. Chances are you had to google him to even know who I'm talking about. You'd recognize him if you see him, but there's no other way to describe him as a host except for "cheap substitute." He doesn't have the voice, the creepy heavy eyebrow. And without the trenchcoat, surrounded by dark fog, there's no point.
Second, the theme. Completely reworked. It retains the essensce of the original theme, but it's not at all as creepy. And creepy was everything. The original theme meant to inspire chills. This one inspires nothing.
Third and most importantly, the mysteries. I don't mind replaying the old mysteries. There are some of them that I really like: the female automotive designer con-artist who was really a man, the warden's wife who went missing with an escaped prisoner, and the reincarnation of lovers into two complete strangers, one of which just happened to be watching the story when it originally aired and recognized himself as the woman's lover in her past life! So I don't mind the old stories, BUT why do they have to put a black band around the old footage as if to demonstrate that it's old. The 80's clothes and hair are enough to do that. Plus, they're cutting and editing the stories down (remember, I've seen them all enough to know), and it just cheapens the whole thing. I've heard rumors that there are new stories to be included in the series as it airs now, but I'll believe it when I see it. And I can almost guarantee I'm not going to get as into them as I did with the original stories, for the forementioned reasons.
Why remake something if you're not going to do it justice? It's an unsolved mystery to me.
Random thoughts:
1. Happy Birthday today to Amy Helgeson, Amy Conn, and Darlene Havel! As an added bonus...Happy United Nations Day!
2. Today was a Cold, Rainy, Late October Friday. So close to a Cold, Rainy, Late October Thursday, but just a few hours too late to be awesome.
3. I really need a larger kitchen. I'd sell a kidney for more counterspace.
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