December 02, 2008 - When you can't think of what to get that special someone for Christmas...

When I talked to my mom the other day, she asked what I wanted for Christmas. Given my blog post the other day, I couldn't very well ask her for the 52" TV, so I said I'd think about it. Tonight, I decided to do some searching. She's 900 miles away and getting around isn't easy for her, so I figured that if I could find something online that I liked, I'd just use her debit card and get it for myself. She wouldn't object.

Now, there have been a ton of Overstock.com commercials on recently, and this afternoon they were advertising $1 shipping, so I thought I'd check the site out. When I got to the site there wasn't one thing that was burning in my head, so I clicked on the "Other" category just to see what popped up. Was I the only person who didn't know that Overstock sells coffins???

Seriously. There's a whole section devoted to caskets. And being the McKown that I am, I was intrigued and took a closer look. Maybe it's a little weird sitting at home in your robe on a Tuesday night, watching Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, and checking out coffins, but...c'est la vie.

Looking around, I had a few thoughts.

First, let's say that you see the selection and decide to go ahead and make a purchase. Where do you store the thing??? Imagine freaking your kid out some day in the future when he goes up to the attic or down to the basement looking for something innocuous like a box of photos and he stumbles across the coffin you're just holding on to until you have need. Odd.

Second, obviously if you're in need of a casket you're not likely going to be the one making the purchase, so it begs the question...what's the turnaround time for one of these things? How long are you going to have to be on ice so that your family can save a buck?

Third, how in the heck do you ship a coffin?? Do you come home to find one of those little cards in your box saying that you have a package too big for regular delivery?

As you can tell, I had lots of questions. I was very intrigued by this whole thing. So, I clicked on one of the choices, the "In God's Care" 18-inch steel guage to be exact. Truthfully I picked that one (versus the Earth, Wind, & Fire design - in black, the natural wood looks just a little too "pine box" for my taste) because it had a rated review and that begged another question...how do you write a review for a casket? Generally the person who's using it isn't going to care much. That answer was a little disappointing. It's just stars with a "recommended" statement. Boring. I was looking for "We tried it to make sure mom would be comfortable. Lots of leg room, and the fabric is really soft against your skin." Oh well.

Anyway, a few other questions were answered. Apparently the caskets are shipped 2-day via Federal Express, but don't expect shipping on the weekends or holidays. Die on a Thursday though and I guess you're screwed until Monday. Also, beware that if you live in certain parts of the western US, you have to wait three days. Those of you in MT, WY, and ND, consider yourself warned. Also, sorry to the people in Western NB. I'm assuming they mean Nebraska there, but psst...we actually use NE. New Brunswick is a little further north. ;-) Oh...I wonder about shipping to Canada...

One good thing to know is that all caskets come with a warranty. Again, doubt the person utilizing it is going to care much, but should a handle slip off or the lid not close properly, you can get a replacement. Don't expect a return however. "Due to the personal nature" (uh yeah!) of these items, they are not accepted. Apparently you can't take it with you. Nor can you send it back.

Random thoughts:

1. While looking at caskets, I was reading the dimensions. Most are only 74" long, my height exactly. This will be a problem because I demand to be buried in heels.

2. Colds give me REALLY funky dreams, but I can't ever remember them. I have long, complicated, very vivid dreams that I know are dreams while I'm in them, and I just can't recall any details when I wake up. It's annoying.

3. Happy Birthday today to Jeanne Cooper!

4. Happy Birthday tomorrow to Patti Thorson!