January 12, 2009 - "Poor girl. Has to eat alone."

I can't ever decide if it's empowering to eat out alone, or pathetic.

Tonight I decided to go out to eat for two reasons. One, I was in the mood for Chinese. Two, I need to go grocery shopping, but we're in a winter weather advisory which means the local Kroger is, right now, simply an element of self-torture. Keep in mind said advisory means we're maybe getting an inch of snow, tops, but milk, eggs, and bread will be in short supply, and lines will be long, so going out to eat was the smarter and/or more sanity-saving option.

It's not that I've never gone out to eat by myself. I have. I've lived alone for years, didn't have a roommate in college, and even when I lived with my mother, we never really saw each other, so eating alone isn't exactly a new thing. But there's a vast difference between heating up some Easy Mac when it's you in the living room and going out to actually occupy a booth or table by yourself. And tonight as I entered PF Chang's, I couldn't help wondering if it isn't just a little sad to go out and eat on your own.

I pondered that question all throughout dinner, which took longer than normal though I'm not sure why. Usually when you're on your own, you honestly can be in and out of a restaurant in half an hour. I have a whole theory that it's because the server wants to turn the table, freeing it up for a larger party and bigger tips, but I can't prove that. Tonight, I was in the restaurant for almost an hour, which, honestly, is an eternity when you're on your own.

When you don't have the distraction of a friend of colleague to eat with, you can focus on the little things going on around you. There's the conversations at the table behind you or the way the guys at the bar are trying a little too hard to establish a connection with the female bartender who easily could be their daughter age-wise. You notice the way that the servers bustle around and pay attention to how quickly your order is taken or your food arrives.

There's a lot to take in, but none of it is interesting. Certainly there's nothing to make the world a better place, or just make the day a little brighter like good conversation does. It's like you're sitting in the center of the world, just watching the world spin around you. You're of no consequence, and you should consider yourself lucky is the waiter/waitress deems you worthy of a refill. Sometimes you don't get that lucky. And even when you do get good service, you wonder how much of it is pity service. "Oh, poor girl. Has to eat alone. Better go give her some more iced tea."

I have friends who won't even consider going into a restaurant and eating alone. Is that because they aren't secure enough in themselves to maintain their own company for an hour? Or are they the smart ones, realizing how pathetic a person looks in his or her own booth, with no one coming? Most of the time I think one way, but tonight I'm not so sure.

Random thoughts:

1. What is with the run on milk, eggs, and bread when a storm hits? Is there some innate instinct to make french toast when the weather gets bad?? And if so, why is there never a run on syrup??

2. Am I the only person in the world who likes to write checks? Sure, automated might be easier, but there's nothing prettier than a fully filled out check.

3. A horse was sold at the Keeneland Track today for $950,000. I want to be in a position, in this economy, to spend $950,000 on a horse! Not that I would buy a horse if I had that kind of money. But maybe a Wii. And a house to play it in.

4. Happy (belated) birthday on the 9th to Nick Clark.