January 19, 2009 - If I were President...I'd bring back the cheese.

As the nation prepares for Barack Obama's inauguration in the morning, I'm sitting here watching Hour 1 of the History Channel series "The Presidents." I've often wondered why they only show one episode at a time, never the complete thing, and sometimes skip around. I'd like to get my presidents in order and all together sometime, but that's neither here nor there. While watching, I decided to play a little game of "If I were President..."

I wanted to be President while I was growing up. I decided in 5th grade that if elected I would end the Iraq war that was going on at the time (and one could argue has never completely stopped), and so I put that at the top of my to-do list, above such things as marriage, children, or even really 5th grade graduation. But, as the years have gone, despite such nicknames as Madame President, and having a wide collection of anything red, white, and blue, I don't really want to be President anymore. If someone hands the job to me (making me wonder how far down in the line of succession I'd be), I'll take it, but I won't actively pursue it. Something in me suspects that I really only wanted to have the job to stop the war and, probably more importantly, have a motorcade, so I doubt I'm the right person for the job. The world breathes a sigh of relief at my revelation no doubt.

But back to the game of "If I were President...." I'll leave the political ponderings to the people who actually get paid for that. Economic crises, Guantanamo Bay, a college football playoff system - hey, Obama brought it up on Monday Night Football, it's a legit issue - I don't really care for tonight. No, tonight, I'm focusing on the little things. The "cosmetic" things, so to speak.

If I were President...

I've always wondered why that big light under the overhang on the front of the White House (the flat side, not the side with the rounded Truman balcony) hangs so low. I think the wires supporting it absolutely ruin pictures. First, it's not like you can just change the lightbulb by standing on a chair, so they might as well raise it up and just use a taller ladder. Second, the thing's big enough that it'll give off sufficient light for an arrival. If I were President, I'd raise the light a few ticks.

If I were President...

In the Bush White House there is a beigy-colored carpet in the Oval Office. That would have to go. I'd need something darker. A royal blue is always nice. Perhaps a dark green. I'd even take a red-colored carpet. Having grown up with red carpet, you get used to it. But absolutely no beige because beige shows dirt, and I wouldn't be able to concentrate if while reviewing the economic stimulus package I looked down at there were footprints or stains on the carpet. Call me a little OCD, but so be it. I'd just feel like I'd desecrated public property. If I were President, I'd have dark carpet in the O.

If I were President...

"Andrew Jackson in the grand foyer of the White House had a two-ton block of cheese." And, in my opinion, current Presidents are less for having discontinued the fine tradition of allowing anyone and everyone into the White House to discuss their concerns. You can't be a nation of the people, by the people, and for the people if you don't invite the people in for some cheese. Maybe that's the Chatham girl in me where no event was a real event if there wasn't a mound of cheese, but what better way to directly petition your government than to do it in the foyer of the White House while standing around a hunk of cheddar. Say what you will about security, but if I were the President, I'd bring back the cheese. And as Josh would add on "The West Wing", a triscuit the size of Lake Tahoe.

Random thoughts:

1. How sad is it that after two years of campaigning, a massive election night, nearly 60 days of transition and ad nauseum coverage of the impending inauguration that I still had to look up how to spell Obama's first name? And I don't consider myself an uneduated person. One thing I'll say for Bush...I've never had a problem spelling "George."

2. Someday I will figure out how to make my soup delivery dream a reality. It's cold out. I want soup and don't have any. Surely, in this day and age, it cannot be too much to ask for someone to create a way to bring me some.

3. Here we go, Steelers! Here we go! Pittsburgh's goin' to the Super Bowl!