December 14, 2009 - Ever wanted to know how much I really weigh?

If I'm just a faceless blog to you, this won't mean much, but I'm sure there are a few people out there who've wondered over the years just how much I really weigh.

296 pounds.

Bam, there it is.  Might as well get it out of the way so you don't have to scroll down past the rest of this blog just to see the number.  :-)

As much as that number might shock you, and as much as you may not believe me when I say this, it really always has been "just a number" to me.  The same is true for the higher numbers I've seen on the scale in my lifetime.  While my weight has always defined my life in some ways, I've never really felt defined by it.  Even if I have to do things a little slower and I'm more winded at the end, I've always been able to do what I wanted.  So it's not a problem.  At least that's what I've told myself for 15+ years, with occasional moments of lucidity that something needs to change.  And it might change for a while, but I've always fallen back into my patterns of eating too much of things that are not good for me and not getting my butt off the couch.

That stops today.

Now, there's probably an argument to be made that by putting my weight out there, I'm humiliating myself into action.  Oh God!  They know!!  Have to do something about it now!  Let's be honest, if you've met me it's not like it's a huge surprise that I'm overweight, obese even by clinical standards.  I'll admit that my height hides it better than if I were short, but it's not like I've ever fooled anyone.  I'm fat.  That's obvious.  So simply putting a number to the public image isn't going to be enough to "shame" me into action.  I have much more embarassing things in my life: owning the official replica of the Heart of the Ocean from "Titanic," 279 Clay Aiken songs in my iPod, sending an "anonymous" love email to a crush and getting pegged because of the proper use of grammar and punctuation.  There's a lot to judge me on.  If you want to judge me on my weight over any of those things, fine by me.

So here's the deal.  If shame or embarassment isn't going to be enough of a catalyst, then what is.  In the more immediate, I'm focusing on two things which I hope will propel me to my goal weight in time.  The first is superficial.  I'm the maid of honor in my best-friend-since-kindergarten's wedding, and I want to look good (better at least) for it.  Second, and this is the first step in a larger goal to eventually run a marathon, I'm signing up for a 5k in March.  Running and I have gone together like oil and water to this point, but for some reason I've always wanted to run a marathon.  I'm willing, however, to start small.  By actually registering, I have a concrete goal to work toward.  And I need a deadline.  The first deadline of many, no doubt, but a deadline.

Though I don't intend to post every day, I fully intend to blog about my progress, the good days and the bad.  Already I anticipate a post lamenting the loss of chimichangas and egg rolls. :-(  I can tell you right now that I will not be perfect on this journey, but I hope to see progress each week.  I went to the gym today for the first day in a month; I'm counting it.

So...mock me, wish me luck...either way, here we go!!

Random thoughts:

1.  The gym smelled like cotton candy tonight.  Luckily I hate the smell of cotton candy, but I swear, if I start smelling peanut butter cups when I'm there, this could be brutal.

2.  Since I've started my new job, I feel slightly like Melanie Griffith in "Working Girl," only in reverse.

3.  A couple of weeks ago my car battery died (yes, I left the lights on...again).  It wound down so far that it re-set the stereo system in the car so that when I turned it on the bass was turned up more than I normally keep it.  It hasn't really mattered much in the meantime, so I haven't readjusted it.  Today, however, when I was trying to pump myself up for the gym, I put on my gym playlist, and started with a little Flo Rida.  I've had this car, and the stereo system, for six years and never felt like such a bad ass!  It was awesome!